


Epiphany

by Romennim



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Character Study, Established Relationship, Father-Daughter Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Multi, POV Female Character, POV Outsider, POV Third Person, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-28
Updated: 2013-10-28
Packaged: 2017-12-30 18:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She couldn't see how they clicked together romantically, really, she couldn't, even if it was right in front of her. And when it finally hit her, it was like an epiphany.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Epiphany

**Author's Note:**

  * For [klmeri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/klmeri/gifts).
  * Translation into Italiano available: [Epifania](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022185) by [Romennim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim)



> **Beta:**[](http://1lostone.livejournal.com/profile)[ **1lostone**](http://1lostone.livejournal.com/) 

Winona Marie Kirk never thought she would ever see the day when her son would settle down, when he would have a permanent and strong relationship. She didn't think so because she believed her son unable to commit himself to a relationship. On the contrary, she thought the problem was exactly the opposite: since Jim was a teenager, the only thing that could hold his interest, was space. Nothing - and no _one_ \- else mattered to him. It didn't matter how interesting or smart or kind the girls he brought home were, she could see, in his eyes, that beyond a temporary, fleeting interest there wasn't anything more. Not for the girl of the moment, anyway. And that was beside the fact that a career in space, in Starfleet, usually meant a commitment only to that life.

So she was actually very surprised when he called her and said he was going to visit her, bringing his two closest colleagues and friends, a Vulcan and a doctor from Georgia, with him, even if she couldn't really say what surprised her more: the fact that he had never spoken about them before in his communications (despite their obvious importance to him and the usual, deep level of confidence between her and him) or the fact that her son was now with not one, but _two_ partners. The fact that they were of the opposite sex didn't surprise her... not much, anyway. It had never happened before, but Jim had always been curious and so she couldn't bet he had never been with a man before. The fact that he had never brought one before at home probably only meant he didn't want to disappoint her, since none of his conquests were serious: he has always known about her desire of having grandchildren and probably didn't want her to know so soon that he had no intention of pleasing her in that. It wouldn't have mattered, because she knew it since he was a teenager, but the right time for speaking of it had never come around and so she had never said anything. His going to Starfleet and his brilliant and fast career had spoken enough of his ideas for the future, but maybe if he had brought a boy at home, she would have said something, she would have reassured him that, ultimately, what mattered - what has always mattered to her - was his happiness and nothing else.

Now it didn't matter anymore anyway: she hoped that, even if she hadn't brought up the subject for years, this gesture of bringing two men home to meet her meant that he knew what was, in her opinion, important for his life.

However, she didn't really know what to think about a relationship between three people... it wasn't unheard of, but she had never known anyone in that situation. And her son? So strong, so stubborn, how could he really deal well with not one, but two people? How could it work? How _did_ it work?

She decided to wait and see these men and ask nothing, despite the overwhelming curiosity: her son had never hidden anything from her and a relationship with two colleagues, despite everything else, was not something he could have “forgotten” to mention.

So she was impatiently waiting for their shore leave to come.

And then they arrived and, at first, she didn't know what to think. She didn't know what to think not only about the evident, strong relationship between these two men and her son, but also about the men themselves. She was charmed beyond belief by Leonard's ("Not Doctor, please, I have enough people calling me that when they're in trouble") charm and Spock's (she knows she has no chance to call him by his full name) politeness, but she doesn't really understand, at first, how they fit together with her son. Not romantically, anyway, because the easiness, the friendship between the three of them shined naturally and easily as the sun, and it was almost too brilliant to look at it directly. For that, she was happy for her son: she knew how difficult it was for a Captain to form uncompromising and uncompromised friendships with their subordinates on the ships, and she could see how relaxing it was, for Jim, to spend time with the two men. 

But she really couldn't see how they clicked together romantically. Maybe they were toning their closeness, their spontaneity down to make her feel at ease and avoid awkward moments, but she didn't see it. And surely she couldn't ask them to act more 'togetherly' or something stupid like that. So, she began to watch them closely and - hopefully - unobtrusively. At first, again, not much luck. But then she tried to be more subtle and watch them when they thought she wasn't close or around, and a few, little, meaningful things hit her like a train wreck, like an honest-to-God epiphany.

It was the morning after they arrived.  She usually slept in until late in the morning, but knowing how her son was used to sleep just for how long it was needed and not more (and so it was for every ranking officer) she decided to get up early to observe them alone in the morning. It was also her luck that the corridor that led to the kitchen allowed a good visual without being seen easily from inside the room.

As predicted, all the three of them were already in the kitchen, her son cooking breakfast at the stove, Leonard watching the proceedings from Jim's right, while Spock was reading something from a padd. Winona smiled watching the scene: the whole situation screamed naturalness and tranquility and she was happy to see her son so relaxed and enjoying cooking; almost no one knew but Jim had always enjoyed traditional cooking, saying that doing something manual like that helped him think or not think, as the situation needed.

She was shaken out of her thoughts by the sound of Spock's voice. She didn't understand what was said, but soon after it was the sound of Leonard's laughter breaking the silence.

"Oh dear God, that news was priceless!"

She almost missed Spock's infinitesimal quirk of lips.

"I was certain, Leonard, that you would appreciate the sheer absurdity of this human decision, despite your constant attempt to defend even the defenseless examples of your people."

At first she didn't know what to think of that, but the sudden, joyous, boom of laughter from her son, for a moment, took her completely off guard and blinded her. How long had it been since she heard such a spontaneous and beautiful burst of laughter from her son?

She focused again on them: Leonard was looking at Spock with a fond - and very exasperated - look and her son... Her son was beaming at the two of them like a child looking at something so, so much treasured.

The realization hit her then: what she had thought she had seen until that moment in her son - the peacefulness, the joy, and the quiet satisfaction - was not because he was in company of good friends, but it was the result of the easiness real lovers shared, built on friendship and care and love. Her son was beaming because for the first time in his life was at peace... and complete. Like not even chasing star after star could make him. These two men did. And his expression said Jim knew it too.

The look the three of them shared then wasn't a real kiss, but it was exactly what a kiss should have been without physical touch.

-°-

Amanda has always worried about her son. In the harsh and painful realization that Vulcans were not always the proud, logical people they claimed to be, she knew any of her future children would not have an easy life, and that was something no mother could accept without worrying.

When she gave birth to Spock and saw her son for the first time, she knew he was special in the certain, definitive way she had known Sarek would be the man of her life the moment she laid eyes on him. Of course she wasn't wrong. During the years that followed, looking proudly and lovingly at Spock growing up, she had many occasions to see she was right, on both accounts. Her son was special, in a way that no human or Vulcan could relate. He was an intriguing mixture of Vulcan thinking and Human perceptiveness and sixth sense and she was glad to see how easy it was for him to mix his two heritages, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

While he grew up, from infant to child, she hoped everything would turn out for the better. She hoped Vulcan would see the treasure her son was, as her husband had seen. But reality had always been too cruel to people who dreamed for the better and it didn't take long for her to notice Spock slowly withdrawing from her and into himself. She knew, then, that the fears of her early married life were true and what was unfolding in front of her eyes was the slow molding that Vulcans tried to inflict to her son. She knew she couldn't stop it, but she knew she could try to not let her son lose himself because of Vulcan stupidity and arrogance.

Spock’s school years were hard, and sometimes too difficult, she admitted to herself, feeling a bit ashamed. She often wondered how things would go if they had moved to Earth, if Spock had been a Vulcan like the others. In the darkest moment she even wondered if she hadn't been a fool to think that a race could tolerate such an obvious proof of how it could be wrong in its assumptions. Being forced to see how wrong you are wasn't something someone could accept easily, and she wondered if she hadn't been selfish in wanting a child so much to forget how hard reality was. Would a sensible person have had a child at these conditions?

If during those years Spock had to face the illogical prejudices of a very 'logical' people and the resulting isolation that hurt him in a way no one could have understood, she faced her own demons, her own, strong fears. Had she been too foolish, too selfish?

But, after all, all those thoughts, worries, didn't really matter, because she never regretted even for a moment that she had had a son. Spock was her child, and she loved him completely and she could have never regretted having him. Never. And Vulcan be damned, _he_ was important and nothing else.

With her love for her son at the centre of her life, she tried to help him whenever she could and whenever he let her. At the end of every day she wondered how much help she actually had been, but she hoped her son knew he was loved.

And sometimes it seemed her love was mirrored back to her and those were the happiest moments of her life.

However, as much as things went relatively well, she knew that someday her love would not be enough. It just couldn't be: it has always come the day when a person, in their life in the world, needs to be known by someone, to be recognized for their qualities and because of their uniqueness be loved. And because of that she worried: she knew how much importance Spock gave to his Vulcan heritage and she feared that in his attempt to be as Vulcan as possible he would not let himself be himself, vulnerable, with someone else. She was sure he didn't know how much love meant, was necessary not only to humans, but Vulcans too.

She was worried he wouldn't give anyone the chance to know him and that he would be alone in living his life. She couldn't bare that thought. She just couldn't accept it.

The years went by and no one picked her son's interest, as she feared. Vulcans were too traditional, too logical to think the heart mattered as much as the mind, and Spock, even if he never admitted it, even if he probably knew only deep down, unconsciously, knew heart mattered too.

Then it was the time when Spock left Vulcan for Starfleet and, even if she knew he wouldn’t write her a lot because of the rift with Sarek, she hoped that being amongst humans could give him more chances to be what he was. She was still too hopeful. If for Vulcan Spock was too human, for Earth he was too Vulcan. It seemed there was no place for her son.

Then Spock took his place as Science Officer on the Enterprise and the few communications she received from him lessened even further, because of the distance the mission took the ship.

So she was very happy when Sarek announced her they would go to a peace conference that took place on the very same ship where her son was. She was thrilled at the idea to see him for the first time in years and she was anxious to see how he was fairing. In hindsight she shouldn't have been worried at all, but excited.

The trip was worth every discomfort, every worry, because it let her see something that, after years of fears, she had never thought she would have seen with her own eyes: after years of attempts, her son had found his place. Her son had found people who valued, cherished him. She could see it even too clearly: the Captain and the Chief Medical Officer, Jim and Leonard, cared about her son and she couldn't have been happier.

There was a seed of something between the three of them, something not grown up yet, but it was there. It was in the light touch of the Captain, in the persisting, affectionate care of the Doctor. It was there and it was growing. It was what made her feel so much at ease with sharing details with Leonard and talks with Jim. The love was there and she just couldn't not feel grateful.

When a few years later Spock called her to ask if he could visit home with his two friends, she couldn’t have stopped the smile that lit up her face for anything in the world.

-°-

Joanna was just five years old when her mother screamed at her father to get out of the house. She was little and she didn't remember much. Years later, she could almost still smell the perfume of her father's hair in the air, if she focused long enough, but she could not really remember how he really was. She couldn’t remember if he was happy with them, if he was satisfied with his life. She was little and what mattered to her was the fact that he was there, that he told her stories before bedtime, that he taught her to ride, not his well-being.

She got to really knew him through calls and communications and sporadic visits and what she could always sense, beside his love for her, was sadness. But she loved him! Purely and utterly and she hated to see those shadows, that pain in his eyes!

And she knew, also, that she could do nothing about it. She realized it after much effort on her part: she drew for him his favorite subjects, she sent as many communications as possible, she sent the photos of her riding, but nothing. While for a moment she could see something shine in his eyes, then, looking at her, that something broke and sadness was there again.

She didn't know what to do or whom to ask for advice! Mum was out of question and her friends didn't have problems similar to her: in their perfect lives, it was their parents' job to be sure they were happy, for her it was the exact opposite! And surely her father couldn’t be made happy with a new toy!

So she was stuck, feeling absolutely hopeless and little, like no five year old kid could feel. She loved him, but she could do nothing for him. She didn't realize it then, but the fact that life wasn't fair was something she learned very early in her life, unfortunately.

Joanna was six years old when her father entered Starfleet, like she didn't worry enough for him already! After receiving the news she broke down and cried and begged him to not die and leave her. Her father spent a good hour consoling her, telling her life in space was not dangerous, but she could see the lie still from thousands of miles away. Her father just wasn't good at fooling her anymore.

Anyway, she couldn't do anything for him - again - to make him change his mind (she learned only years later that he had no other choices), but she forced him to promise to write as much as he could.

And it was like that that her father's new life and her new virtual relationship with him began. At first neither was very good: his new post in a space station was boring as hell and she wasn't very good yet at writing, not enough to keep a real communication, so she pleaded her mum to buy her her own computer to record massages and send them. She didn't want her mother to listen to them or to her father's replies. That was just between them. It took a bit, but it was worth it: talking was easier and like that she could hear her father's voice, even if it was never not nearly broken, and go to sleep lulled by his familiar accent and deep, loved voice. It soothed her and after that she couldn't fall asleep in any other way.

Time passed, but nothing really changed in her dad, until he received his new orders and was posted on the Enterprise. While she was happy that he had something new to do, she was wary: she knew how far those missions took the ships and how dangerous it could be being out there. The fact that they couldn't send and receive messages for weeks, sometimes, didn't help either. His new situation was so unsecure that he never complained in his communications about the dangers of space to not worry her, most probably, and that, knowing how her father was, was worrying in itself.

So, when Joanna was sixteen years old, her father became Chief Medical Officer of the Enterprise for its next five year' mission. As she had thought, the communications were few and far between, but she could tell the new position was positive for him, full of challenges and new relationships. She knew her father didn't tell her the whole truth about his 'adventures', but he didn't spare her his colorful descriptions of his closest colleagues while working and their 'foolishnesses', even if he was never detailed on when that foolishness was shown. Two people, in particular, were mentioned often: the Captain and his second in command, the Vulcan Science Officer. The latter could only be described as her father's nemesis, but she was thrilled to hear everything: she could hear in her father's voice a sense of contentment she had never heard before and for that she could even forget about all the dangerous situations he had been in.

And, dear, she hoped that, one day, she could meet the two men who were, she was sure, the reason of his father's new, almost positive, attitude.

Joanna was twenty-one years old when the five years mission ended and her father came back to Earth.

She couldn't wait anymore! She was just finishing college and she wanted to talk face to face with him again and hear everything he didn't tell her in his massages and ask him if he was proud that she wanted to be a doctor like him!

But mostly she wanted to see with her own eyes the men who had changed his father's life, see how he was really doing.

Strangely, even for their first meeting after years, he told her he would bring Jim and Spock, but she really wasn't very surprised and surely she wasn't angry or sad or irritated by it, as he feared. Actually, she couldn't wait!

They agreed to meet in a park in San Francisco near where she was attending university.

As she arrived, she could see in the distance three men standing in front of a fountain. She instantly recognized her father, despite the years that had passed. Near him, someone, who was clearly a Vulcan, by looking at the robes he was wearing, was touching the small of his father's back and the third man was in front of them, smiling softly as her father spoke.

The joy she felt at seeing her father and the scene in front of her made her shout.

"Dad!"

Instantly, the three men turned to the sound of her voice and her father's face lit up at seeing her. She run towards him and didn't almost stop when he hugged her.

She clung to him for who knows how long before she stepped away a bit; had it been for him the hug could have lasted a lot longer.

She then darted a glance to the men behind his father, but didn't notice much, because the look on her father's face almost took her breath away: her father was smiling, really smiling, and his blue eyes shined in the afternoon sun, like an Aquamarine stone, but what was important was that they shined happiness, real happiness, and that the shadows were gone.

Her father was _happy_ , really happy, and just like that her world was completely right again.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on May 3rd, 2011


End file.
